Finding love online.
Posted on October 8, 2007 - Filed Under General
As I have blogged about before, The English Toy Boy and I “met” online.
We have now been married for almost 5 years and yet it seems to me that much of the stigma surrounding “online relationships” is still about today.
An example of this is a friend who married recently and didn’t tell her parents until a few weeks before the wedding that her and her hubby-to-be actually met online, just in case they didn’t approve.
I am not sure why, but it seems that it is still taboo to tell people that you found the love of your life in a chatroom or a forum but yet much more acceptable to say you met at a bar or at a party.
I really do not understand why online relationships are considered to be something less than your average garden type love affair?
Maybe it is because people in general are afraid of things they don’t understand and I guess there are still many people who are afraid of the world wide web and all it has to offer.
I am the first to say that it is NOT an easy way to have a relationship, especially if the other person lives in another country, as was the case for us. Also there is also the “truth” aspect of it all, who knows if you are telling the truth?
You can change your sex, job, sexual preferences, age, and culture. You are known by what you write. You are allowed incredible freedom of expression. As much as the other person only knows what you tell them, the same applies to you….you only know what they want and allow you to know about them.
Our relationship works because we both were (and still are) completely honest with each other but it could have very easily have been very different had we both not been so.
The internet can be a place of immense deception or great honesty, more honesty than some people would normally express in the real world, this can often create an interesting paradox. The art of thriving in cyberspace involves knowing the difference and being cautious at the right times. Of course whilst ours is an inspiring story, there are horror stories of people who have not been cautious at the right times, or with the right people.
My advice to anyone contemplating an online relationship is to take it slowly, a step at a time.
Progress from the chatroom or forum to sending emails to each other, before moving on to phone calls and eventually meeting “in real life.”
The risk is when we move straight from cyberspace into the real world, as we are basing our decision to meet the person only on information they have told us, not on something we can independently assess. When we meet someone in the flesh, we hear not only what they say, but see their body language and other nonverbal cues and also their overall behaviour.
If you should choose to meet someone in the real world after meeting them in cyber space, here is some advice:
Don’t go alone - have someone you trust you and meet them in a public place.
Start the relationship anew. When people first meet and start new relationships they check each other out and then gradually reveal themselves, bit by bit, bringing down their barriers and self-protection. When you first meet, treat it like a new beginning and make sure you have your barriers up, even if you think you know this person. They might not be who they say they are or who you expect them to be.
Be in control of what is happening. Don’t allow yourself to do anything that you don’t want to do and make sure you have ways to leave the situation safely.
Lastly, if you BOTH decide that you have found your soul mate then, live, laugh and love with all of your heart and be like us and proudly tell people where you were lucky enough to find love, who knows you might just make it easier for someone else to find there’s 
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20 Responses to “Finding love online.”
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Good advice.
I was lucky enough to meet my partner through mutual friends.
I’m glad you met your prince
Thanks for posting this. I think honesty like this will help people become more educated about the fact that you can meet someone online. I know many people who have. My sister is now engaged to someone she met on RSVP. I’ve been on a few dates as a result of online dating sites but haven’t had the courage to go back after some disasters.
As you should know Patric, J was an online find as well. I’ve only told my more techno savvy friends how we actually ‘met’ because the others just don’t get it.
I told my work colleagues that it was a blind date, my family too because it was simpler and technically was a blind date since neither of us had seen a photo of the other. The only problem then is when they ask who set us up and I just say “friend of a friend of a friend” LMAO
Patric did I ever post about my impression when I met him?? I was waiting at the cinema, sitting on the concrete kerb since I was about 15 mins early for our date. He had told me he rides a bike and would be wearing a bike jacket and carrying a helmet. So I was looking for bike riders. I saw this one guy who looked like he was from the Hell’s Angels, tattoos, piercings, the works. He was wearing a leather jacket and carrying a helmet. Honestly I thought right then, OH SHITE and considered pretending my phone had rung and walking off because he looked SCARY!!! Then I saw another guy walking round the corner, carrying a jacket and helmet and I knew it had to be him and the whole time I was thinking “OH THANK GOD it wasn’t the other guy” LMAO
Thanks for stopping by! I’ve not met love interests online- but I’ve met many many many girl friends online. My ‘internet friends’ have been with me through a lot and I ‘talk’ to most of them on a daily basis. Most people just don’t get it.
What a great story Stormy… did you tell him that he almost lost out to a Hell’s Angel Bikie?
Thanks Veronica, yes he is a real prince, just goes to show there really are some good ones out there
Jen I hope it helps somebody as I remember how I felt as if I was being frowned upon when I told some people how we met
Amber…isn’t it funny that some people just don’t *get* the whole online friendship deal…they don’t know what they are missing out on do they?
I met my love online, also.
I agree - honesty and integrity were the two key words he and I both used in our profiles, and I am so glad I took the plunge - it is wise to be cautious as there are many players out there - but the good ones are there as well.
My personal belief is that, it really does not matter how you met, what matters most is how happy and successful your marriage or relationship is after you’ve met…for me that is more important. =) Nice post.
Like many things in life today the few bad on line experiences get all the publicity and the many good ones are ignored. It’s like everything, the media is the purveyor of the bad and almost never the good news.
GREAT post! I’ve never actually met anyone I’ve “met” online, but to me your story sounds very romantic!
I met my husband online too. He lived in Sydney and I in Brisbane so he eventually moved to Brisbane. When he first did that I didn’t tell people “outside the circle” that was how we’d met because they didn’t understand - this was in 2000 when the internet really wasn’t something that everyone had. I would have thought things would be easier by now, I guess not.
That said, I’ve found that most people I know online met their partner online.
Several years ago, I met a lady through an online introduction. We hit it off well and I was encouraged at the potential. It led me to ponder, what could be wrong with an online meeting? What’s missing? I pondered that the missing ingredient was any social context - such as a mutual friend mentioning that I really had a good time and wanted to see her again, as opposed to just me saying the same. Friends add weight and social context. So I called a friend of mine and asked him to e-mail/call the lady and tell her that he was a long-time friend and that I really liked her and fill in this missing piece.
As it turns out, she then thought I was just plain loonie and that was the last I ever saw of her. Oh well. I thought it was a brilliant idea.
Yes Jeanie if you have honesty and integrity, you are half way there:)
Sophiagurl..very true..wish everyone saw it that simply.
Jan I agree..that’s why I thought it was time online love had some *good* publicity
Honeybell..I have met lots of my online friends in ‘real life’. I can honestly say that out of all the people I have met up with, only one disappointed me and made herself out to be something that she wasn’t
Bec..unfortunately it seems it is still not as accepted to have an online relationship as it should be,hopefully things are changing,just very slowly.
Mike…Nice try, don’t give up. The chatroom/forum that Hubby and I met in was a place where both of us continued to visit throughout our online courtship, and we both developed friends from there, I guess these friends enhanced the social context if you like
couple met online? Why not? =) I ever heard so many success & happy ending story, from friends and of course, you ;p
Hi Mad Goat Lady,
Great post! Like everything, online love is balancing the fantasy with the reality. Assume the other person is putting their best foot forward - but aren’t you as well? And don’t we do that in more traditional forms of “dating”?
I still think the way you actually meet isn’t important - through friends, in a bar, online etc - but how you grow the relationship. If you have just as much success talking on the phone, writing letters, in person and amongst friends, then you are probably on to a good thing!
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“That said, I’ve found that most people I know online met their partner online.”
One a messageboard I am on for single parents, 5 of us have repartnered - and all 5 were online connections!
Jeanie..that’s incredible..but great to hear
Great advice ! So sweet your story!
My sister met her husband online (now married 7 yrs)but he lived reasonably close.so met up was easy.
A good Aussie friend I met online and met her American husband online - she flew to USA to meet him , stayed a while and he came out to Australia for her…
and I met my husband via radio matchmaking (him)-and we went on a blind date and here we are married 17.5 yrs - known each other 19yrs on Monday when he first called me on the telephone line after I wrote his snail mail /LOL pre internet and mobiles !
I also met some very dear online friends first then - in real life and I count them far more precious than other people I met IRL first.
I heard of a few people having internet affairs now too and thats sad !
Radio matching sounds like it was way ahead of its time Trish..I was telling The English Toy Boy all about it last night.
I agree that meeting up with online friends is amazing
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